The shame of seeking help

Oh the shame!!! Oh the shame that I have to bear!!!

I have a problem with asking for help. I feel ashamed having to ask for help. Whenever I’ve had to ask for help in the past, it has always been perceived as a sign of weakness, laziness and shame. Asking for help was a weakness because it meant I was unable to do something by myself without seeking help. And of course as a mere human being, there are many things that I cannot do on my own. That is why such a phrase as : ‘two are better than one exists’. However that was not the case for me, that helping hand from the other person spoke of tremendous weakness. Hence now the fear and guilt of seeking out help.

It’s quite interesting how when I was younger all these small little things did not seem to matter that much but now that I am older I’m realising the psychological results of auch instances. Now I am stuck with some stupid psychological issues. Issues that shouldn’t really matter but they do, importantly so.

The issue when I was younger was that I couldn’t complete my chores on my own or on time. Oh,what a shame it was!! That I had weak bones. I was seen as lazy just because I was slow. No matter how much I tried, I still couldn’t reach the standard. No matter how much I gave, even if it was my all. And now even though I still am giving my all, things are still falling apart.

I hate how other people can live their lives scarred but I seem to be failing, I mean everyone went through some form of hardships, others worse than I did. But here I am, hopeless and stupidly weak. Sadly it just feels like I am in an endless cycle of shame.

But today, I am changing things around. I say no more. I am done with this game. No more, enough is enough. I will no longer live in the bondage of shame. I am overcoming this. It is not of my doing,so I am not to blame. I will no longer feel guilty. I am not at fault, so I will not be ashamed. No longer will I be ashamed.

Freedom at last!!!

Something we were withholding made us weak, until we found it was ourselves

Robert Frost

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