I have no idea when my crush developed into love. Maybe it’s when I decided to find out if something can come out of this. Maybe it’s when I decided to discover the kind of love I’m capable of giving. Maybe it’s because of the Christ-like love I’ve decided to have. Maybe it’s because of the hope I have. Actually, I can come up with many plausible reasons but honestly I don’t know. I honestly don’t know. And that bothers me. Because when all this began you were just supposed to be a crush. That’s it. A crush. End of story.
You were just supposed to be a nice crush on a hot guy. You know like those many ‘I fancy you’ crushes we have, but they don’t really amount to anything. They are just crushes. Like the one I have on Mr Christian Grey (the one in the book, not the movie). I have a huge crush on him, but of course I know nothing’s gonna come out of that crush – he’s a fictional character.
See that’s the thing, I’ve had many crushes, even Taylor Lautner is one of them. I won’t mention the names of the one’s from highschool. All these people were just crushes. That’s it. Just a crush. I never really fell in love with any of them. So what happened with you?? What the heck did I do to myself?? How the heck did I fall in love with you?? Worse of all, you don’t even love me back. It’s like I set myself up on a mission of torture. Is this what madness is?? This surely must fall under”crazy”. It’s heartbreaking to think of the hope and belief I had. That’s just some whole other level of stupidity. I’m not even sure if I’m even in your league.
Is it even possible for you to love me?? Is it possible my dear?? Or did I unknowingly sentence to myself to pure torture?? I basically broke my heart myself. Yeah my friends are right, I dream too much. And maybe it’s time to come back to reality and accept it for what it is. I need to let you go.