Dear Mother

I guess to do this right I’m gonna have to go back to my childhood. Sadly, I don’t remember much – especially my early years. I have fuzzy memories of when I was 10-15 years old. And I mostly remember being miserable through out my late teen years.

So I do not know when it started, when the hate started, or the misery, nor the depression that came after. I guess some things are a build up of certain events that just lead to the big explosion. You know, like chain reactions.

Sadly no one was aware that it was even happening. I, myself was not aware being, the child I was. I had always wondered why I was so different from everyone else?? Why couldn’t I be like everyone else?? Why did I always feel like an outsider??

I kept on wondering what was wrong with me?? Why was I like this??

Turns out my DNA makes me different. I was made to be unique. Fearfully and wonderfully so, I was created to be my own person. Not a copy of anyone else. I was not made to be mediocre, but spectacular. Yes the world/ science may see it as a disorder, but I say I am perfectly imperfect. There is no other person I can be, but myself and proudly so. Yes I may be broken and messed up, but I’m still me. Alive and breathing and loved by God. I mean He made me to be who I am, right??

I know you are not happy with the way I am. I know you are not happy with the fact that I’m not your perfect child that ticks all your boxes of high standards. I know you despise the fact that I am not as normal as you would want me to be. I know you try your best to love me but it’s hard with all my so called defects. I know you don’t want to have a child with mental illness diagnosis. I know you don’t want that.

But then I never asked for this life. I never asked to be born. After all you are the one who conceived me and brought into this world.

Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength.

Arnold Schwarzenegger

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